its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
