If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
