He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We are two peas in an std pod
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
