There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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