Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
