Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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