He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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