Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
