I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Someone came in the potted fern
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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