I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
