Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."