We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
