i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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