it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
