so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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