I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
