I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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