the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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