When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
