i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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