Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
