so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
