I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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