how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
