drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
