Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
