Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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