i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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