the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
