My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
That's intense
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
