Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
