1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
