i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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