Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
