he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
