Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
