How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
