So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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