just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
