She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
