and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
