why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
