if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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