Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
