my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
