She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
