OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw a hot homeless man
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
