I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
