so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
