We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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