I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
