sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
