Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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