hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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