so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
