Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
