i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
