my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So much rum. So many feels.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
