Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
