trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
