I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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