the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
