Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
