Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
