Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can I color on your dick again?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
