some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
