he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
