What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
