I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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