the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
