i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
